I spend a fair amount of my life online. Like most people, I text more than I talk, react more than I respond, and maintain a wide web of digital connections that can feel impressive on the surface. But the older I get, the more convinced I am that real-world relationships—the kind built face to face, over time—matter in ways the internet simply cannot replicate.
This isn’t a rejection of online community. Digital spaces can be useful, supportive, even life-changing. But they are often thin substitutes for the deeper bonds formed through shared experiences, physical presence, and sustained attention. According to The Art of Manliness, Dale Carnegie argued that sincere appreciation is one of the most powerful tools for building strong relationships. Crucially, that appreciation works best when it is personal, specific, and felt—not dashed off as a quick like or emoji.
Carnegie’s point resonates because real-world relationships demand something from us. They require effort, vulnerability, and a willingness to be present even when it is inconvenient. You can’t mute someone across a dinner table or scroll past a friend who needs your attention. That friction, uncomfortable as it can be, is also where trust and understanding tend to form.
I’ve noticed that my most meaningful conversations rarely happen online. They happen during long walks, over coffee that goes cold, or in moments when someone senses my mood without a word being said. Those interactions build a kind of emotional muscle memory—the sense that you are known, and that you know others, beyond curated profiles or carefully phrased messages.
There is also a discipline to in-person connection. Carnegie emphasized the importance of making others feel genuinely valued. In the real world, that means listening without distraction, remembering details, and offering appreciation that feels earned rather than performative. Online, appreciation is cheap and abundant. Offline, it carries weight.
For me, the takeaway is simple. Online connections can complement our lives, but they shouldn’t replace the harder, richer work of building relationships in the real world. If anything, the more digital our lives become, the more intentional we need to be about showing up—fully and sincerely—for the people right in front of us.
PHOTO CREDIT: Ne ties a friendship bracelet on me, Sapa. (by Satbir Singh via Wikimedia)
